It has been a while now, hasn’t it?
5 years since it finally all overwhelmed me and all i could see was darkness.
5 years since I had the breakdown.
5 years of trying to overcome.
Overall, I can say that I’m fine. It’s been … an interesting ride … but I think I now have life by the proverbial reigns for the most part – though I wonder if anyone truly does.
I say I tried to overcome the depression, but I think it’s better to state that I have learnt to walk along with that black dog slinking along on a leash at my heels and not riding my back and biting my neck.
Taking ownership of the depression and treating it like a “mental asthma” has been a big turn-around in achieving that, and so I take my three pills of “mental ventolin” a day and keep trudging along.
I took on a search for what the japanese called “Ikigai” – “a reason for being” or more to the point, “a reason to get up in the morning”. The concept of building a teaching farm become mine and with that there is a reason to get up, deal with life and aim towards a goal that may very well be years in the future, but will ultimately allow me to say life had a meaning for me.
It may not be perfect, but it works for me for now, so I’ll keep going with it 🙂