It has been a while now, hasn’t it?
5 years since it finally all overwhelmed me and all i could see was darkness.
5 years since I had the breakdown.
5 years of trying to overcome.
Overall, I can say that I’m fine. It’s been … an interesting ride … but I think I now have life by the proverbial reigns for the most part – though I wonder if anyone truly does.
I say I tried to overcome the depression, but I think it’s better to state that I have learnt to walk along with that black dog slinking along on a leash at my heels and not riding my back and biting my neck.
Taking ownership of the depression and treating it like a “mental asthma” has been a big turn-around in achieving that, and so I take my three pills of “mental ventolin” a day and keep trudging along.
I took on a search for what the japanese called “Ikigai” – “a reason for being” or more to the point, “a reason to get up in the morning”. The concept of building a teaching farm become mine and with that there is a reason to get up, deal with life and aim towards a goal that may very well be years in the future, but will ultimately allow me to say life had a meaning for me.
It may not be perfect, but it works for me for now, so I’ll keep going with it 🙂
STEPHEN FRY: WHAT I WISH I’D KNOWN WHEN I WAS 18
(via Peter Samuelson on Vimeo)
There is a number of subjects he rambles across in this video, but to me it’s another view of looking at one’s life and re-assessing. I really want to share this for those who want to seek out their purpose and want some guidelines.
The concept of embracing life is supposedly clear enough. One embraces life if one values the people, experiences and even objects that constitute one’s life.
I think, in this sense, those of us who do not believe in an afterlife are more likely to be able to embrace life. However, those of us who do not believe in an afterlife are also far more likely to face that basic existential crisis. Doubly so, in fact as there is no Deity or theosophy to tell you that the taking your own life is wrong. Thus the weight of the seeking out “why?” and ask “where is the purpose?” weighs heavier on our minds.
I do not know if there is an answer. In all honesty, I can only assume we must, for our own sanity, come up with an answer that will suit ourselves.
We must discover a sense of purpose for ourselves.
This, as our Japanese brethren tell us, is our Ikigai (“ee-ki-guy”).
Continue reading The process I undertook to determine my ikigai.
My raison d’être. Not just a passion, but a deep understanding of what will bring me true satisfaction and meaning to my life.
Continue reading Finding my ikigai.