My homework for this week included two things.
The first was to watch and re-watch a beautiful mind.
This time, my job was to analyse John Nash, to analyse his symptoms, his behaviour and ultimatly the way his mind tricked him.
Of course the story goes the other way too about his battle to regain control over his mind and his life.
I must be truthful here, I spent most of the movie with a rolling eye apathetic cynacism, until about 2/3rds through the movie when John asked:
John: What do people do?
Alicia: It’s life, John. Activities available, just add meaning.
It struck an ice cold cord that ran deep.
How often have I asked that same question? In my blogs, my journal, to my partner and to my therapist?
How often have I heard someone say to me to add meaning?
My look is no different to that on John’s face – near perfect miscomprehension of what those words mean.
The only other dialogue that struck me was John’s monologue to Mr King where he states:
I am crazy.
I take the newer medications, but I still see things that are not here.
I just choose not to acknowledge them.
Like a diet of the mind, I choose not to indulge certain appetites.
Like my appetite for patterns.
Perhaps my appetite to imagine and to dream.
I admire that, but am left with the same level of miscomprehension of the aforementioned quote. I no more know how to ignore my demons than I know how others manage to trudge along with their lives.
I have much to sleep on in this regards, and my tears are blurring my vision.
The scene with John recieving the pens damn near broke my heart.