Tue 17.02.09

I awoke at 4am from a dream. I don’t recall the exact details, but it seems I was fighting with my dad, or he was upset, or there was a a major issue … either way it was a massive emotinal and vocal outburst from both sides type situation. As is the case with so many dreams, it was my dad, it was his house, but it wasn’t – really … like an alternate universe version that was simply accepted by my dream self.

The feelings I woke up with were intense – anger, frustration and anxious … yet after waking up a little more, confusion and anxiety took over a little more. Why did I have the dream? Why can’t I remember details? Why did it affect me so much that I woke up? Why did the feelings remain? I ended up remaining wide-eyed awake for an hour and finally went back to sleep – before the alarm woke me again not fortyh minutes later.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, work was ok – there were some uncomfortable moments as close collegues questioned me about my surgeries and how I was … I just didn’t feel comfortable admitting “fault” really … I know it’s stupid, but the fact that I need to “fix” things via surgery is stating that i have a fault that needs an expert mechanic to fix … I don’t know why my head says that … but there it is.

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