Fri 14.11.08 : Disappointment Exploration Exercise

“Explore why is disappointment so bad? What does it mean? Why do you avoid it?

What I know:

  • Fear
  • Sadness
  • Disappointment
  • Pain
  • Failure
  • Need
  • Unrequited Emotions
  • Solace
  • “Faking IT”
What I used to Know:

  • Intelligence
  • Mental Fortitude
  • Ability to Survive
  • Ability to create situations
  • Ability to ignore pain
  • Ability to seem
Avoiding:

  • Pain
  • Hate
  • Rejection
  • Judgment
  • Sadness
Seeking:

  • Approval
  • Love
  • Need
  • Feeling Attractive
  • Confidence
In my deepest hiding spots there is :
In the dark area:

  • Unworthiness
  • “Never amount to anything”
  • Unlovable
  • Lazy
  • Unwanted
  • Useless
  • Disappointment
  • Wimp
  • Coward
  • Fat
  • Ugly
In the light area:

  • Desire to be loved
  • Desire to be special
  • Desire to be noticed
  • I want to believe that I am here for a reason – that I am “destined” for something
I do not want to believe that all of “this” is just a random fluctuation of quantum chaos in a background of random chemical reactions.

Disappointment = Punishment

Punishment = Pain, Fear, Judgement, Rejection

Thus any form of disappointment enhances the response of withdrawel, to hide the isse and thus avoid the hurt.

e.g. Public Speaking

  • Lack of Confidence opens up thoughts of ridicule and mass rejection
  • Where with a few people you can fake confidence, or read body language, impossible to do with so many
  • cannot hide under that much spotlight attention
  • fear of seeming stupid
  • fear of not being special
  • thus my own expectations are so high that disappontment is the only likely result = punishment = avoid.

So … how do we fix this?

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