Thu 30.10.08

Felt a bit nauseous this morning. Slept in the car on the way to work and felt a bit better by the time we got in.

My self image is suffering – although it’s probably more accurate to say that I noticed myself in a mirror and have started re-seeing myself as huge. I also noticed that I am avoiding seeing myself in mirrors and reflections.

Feeling a little better about opening up and talking to people about my situation. Not a lot better, and not everyone … but at least a few more than I have in the past. I’m more able to discuss how I am and whats running through my head with a few friends and more importantly my partner. Even so, I have to fight the urge that I am somehow making myself vulnerable when I do so.

My moods have been a little wild over the afternoon – almost manic up and downs over 20 to 40 minute stretches. I am experiencing polar opposites – apathy one minute and burning desire the next; from ‘leave me alone’ to ‘smother me with hugs and attention’; joy and humour to catty remarks … at the same time it all just feels ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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