Wed 29.10.08

Mixed feelings this morning. Simultaneously amotivated and chomping at the bit to do ‘something’

Noticed strange urges this morning as well – urges to be affectionate and touchy with certain people. I wanted to kiss one girl, felt like touching another … while, yes, sort of sexual, it was more just … physical – emotional … just an urge to connect … if that makes sense.

From a work perspective, my brain is a fog. I know what I need to do, but it’s too hard to focus and concentrate. It’s like a physical injury – you will the gears to work, but the muscles wont respond. It’s hard, it’s painful and it’s frustrating.

Seems my sense of humour is still quite sharp and a part of me and not just my facade. The difference is that I don’t feel the lightness or joy behind it. So it seems like an autiomated mechanical response. So maybe it was part of my facade.

All I feel is unfulfilled, dark, empty and void.

The word salad that keeps occuring isn’t helping either.

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