More Morons in print : letters to the teacher

[Text that came with eMail:]

  • Dear school: Pleas exkuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.
  • Chris have an acre in his side.
  • Mary could not come to school because she was bother by very close veins.
  • John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
  • I kape Billie home because she had to Christmas shopping because I didn’t no what size she wear.
  • John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
  • Please excuse Gloria, She been sick and under the doctor.
  • My son is under the doctor’s care and could not take fizacal ed. Please execute him.
  • Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a gang over.
  • Please excuse Blanch from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday, she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.
  • Please excuse Joyce from jim today. She is administrating.
  • Please excuse Joey Friday, he had loose vowels.
  • Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football, he was hurt in the growing part.
  • My daughter wouldn’t come to school Monday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with some Marines.
  • Please excuse Sandra from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps [cramps].
  • Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour trout [sore throat].
  • Please excuse Wayne for being out yesterday because he had the fuel.
  • Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father’s fault.
  • Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
  • Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
  • Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
  • Please forgive Clarence for being absent from school the past few days. He was home sick from an operation. He had penis trouble and had to be serpent sized.
  • The basement of our house got flooded where the children sleep so they had to be evaporated.
  • Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah diahoah dyah the shits.
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