Coming Soon

Something that has really got up my nose lately is a growing trend towards the overtly free utilisation of the “coming soon” phrase.

It’s everywhere you go, in all of it’s different variants!

New Movie! Your Favorite Genre! Your favorite stars! COMING SOON to a cinema near you!

Brand new store! Opening SOON!

New flavor! Appearing SOON!

Brand new Gadget! Released in the near future!

To show the ridiculousness of this concept, in November of 2004 a building was completed not a 10 minute walk from my house. Two huge billboards have gone up – LOCAL VETERINARIAN – Opening Soon!

That was over twelve months ago! We’re still waiting!

At the Crown Casino, a storefront with the blazing letters announcing a store by the name of DOTCOM has been declaring that they’ll be OPENING SOON for over three months now.

It’s just plain ludicrous!

I want a law to dictate the use of the word SOON.

I nominate that soon cannot equal an amount of time greater than two months. That should be enough time for anyone!

I think based on the current liberal usage I can legitimately say things like:

  • I will be irresistible to all women SOON!
  • I will be richer than Bill Gates, SOON!
  • I will be smarter than Stephen Hawking, SOON!
  • I will be hailed as a God by all humanity, SOON!
  • I will be finished on this rant, SOON!
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