of neutered men’s egos and prosthetic testicles


I’m not the only one who’s mad!

The world is becoming stranger and stranger … the damned lowest common denominator is getting lower, and there is nothing we can do about it!

I was recently made aware of a “new” product on the market – Nueticals.

What are Nueticals? Well, in the simplest of terms – prosthetic testicles for your pet.

Yes, that’s right, you didn’t mis-read, cosmetic testicles for your beloved ball of fur.


Well, according to the the website, the reason for purchasing a set of Testicular Implantation For Pets is that:

The 200 year-old traditional form of altering used on family pets includes the permanent removal of the pet’s testicles. Many caring pet owners hesitate or even to refuse to neuter their pets because of this. Neuticles eliminates ‘neuter-hesitant’ concerns – as a ‘Neuticled’ pet looks exactly the same after surgery.

Personally, I think the market comes from the poor, misguided, “my pet is a reflection of me” type, male owners of these animals.

They can’t stand the thought of their poor mate losing his tackle. Even though there are a string of research articles and stacks of evidence that prove it is not only beneficial (health and behaviour wise) and that, for the most part (if done at the right age), they won’t know the difference, they’ll say things like “yeah, but I just want him to have something to lick”.

Pathetic really. This is best indicated by the following quote from Peter Neville, author of “Pet Sex: The Rude Facts of Life for the Family Dog, Cat and Rabbit”:

Often the wife is quite relaxed about having the dog castrated […] But the husband, fuelled by feelings of sympathy and empathy and, perhaps, the feeling that he could be next, digs his heels in to fight to keep the dog’s testicles where they are: on the dog.

Not to be outdone by the simple concept of a prosthetic testicle, the company provides Nueticals that

are now available for any-sized canine, feline, equine, bull or any neutered pet

in a variety of sizes and models including

NeuticleOriginals (rigid firmness) NeuticleNatural (natural firmness) and Neuticles UltraPLUS

and all are made so that they replicate

the animals testicle in size, shape, weight and feel.

So the only question I have left now is “UltraPlus”?

So, there you have it! What more can one say? I thought so …


P.S. I have also seen these referred to as Neutricles on the web if you’re seeking more information.

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